I believed the lies that told me that to be real is to be dark. To be honest is to be ugly. To be known is to be the bearer of bad news.
I let myself get stuck.
I told myself that to love him (and him, and him), was to let him shine brightly, even if his fire burned me, to humble myself at all times before him, to peel back my veil and reveal myself, regardless of whether or not any revelation had been earned, deserved, or wanted.
As if to say, “Tell me who I am. Tell me. Love me.”
The good news is, I’ve seen enough human behavior at this point in my life to realize a couple of things:
1. We’re messy, mean, proud, violent, self-serving creatures. We consume. And Lord Almighty, we are capable of hurting each other.
2. We’re beautiful. He’s beautiful (and he is, and he is), and I am beautiful. By grace and by love, we’re all bright shining, redeemed, and beautiful.
Today, I am thankful for the mercy that I get every morning. For the chance to forgive the ones who’ve made me feel anything less than worthy of love. To forgive myself. To pardon my youth. To grow, grow, grow. To be well, and to become..
To be loved perfectly, because I am and not because I do.